“I had to give myself permission, permission to be: Angry, Sad, Broken, Unsure and most of all Happy, Happy to still be a parent.”
I kept looking for my neighbor who is a pastor to tell me what I was doing was ok, looking for my sister to say that’s exactly what you should be doing, looking for my mom to say ummmm that’s good and Looking for my husband to say yes honey I’m so proud of you, that’s good! But when they all had said all of those things, I was still lost, still very confused about where I was and where I was headed, so I knew their approval was not enough. I had to search and dig deep!
On a flight to Miami for my husband 40th birthday I stared into the clouds the entire 2 1/2 hours and a little voice said, “I have to give myself permission to feel things other than sadness and grief.” It wasn’t until then I knew what I had to do. “The moment I step off of the plane I will give myself permission, permission to live in the moment!”
I love you BJ! I hear you saying Moma just go, stop worrying and crying I’m ok and I love you too!
I’m crying but I’m going!”